Official Announcement

April 11, 2007 at 5:48 pm (Uncategorized)

GOOD AFTERNOON EVERYONE!!!!!

I HAVE AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. FROM NOW ON, I WILL BE POSTING ALL BLOG ENTRIES AT THE FOLLOWING SITE ADDRESS:

GREGSWORDS.WORDPRESS.COM

I AM SORRY FOR ANYONE WHO HAS GOTTEN USED TO VISITING ME HERE AT GRHOVANE.WORDPRESS.COM…..BUT I WANT TO START GETTING MY NAME OUT THERE AND MAYBE GAINING SOME READERS, AND GREGSWORDS IS MUCH, MUCH COOLER THAN GRHOVANE.

Sorry, I’m gonna take it off cap locks….that was a little ridicoulous. Because I wanted anyone to be able to see all my old writings, I copied and pasted everything over to Gregswords; it should look exactly the same exact for a few things. First of all, the months listed only go back to March, since I didn’t create the URL until then. So I dated every posting that I made before this point (except for really recent ones). Also, the comments from over here didn’t come over.

I think it would have been easier to post a link, and maybe I still will, but the support team was on vacation for Easter, and I really didn’t feel like waiting, and I wanted my link to be way up front so that everyone could see it plain as day….so I just said, “Screw it, I’m copying and pasting everything,” and copied and pasted stuff for like 3 hours on Saturday morning. Fun.

A few other things: I edited and fixed up some entries; I added a lot of ‘tags’ (blog terminology); and I changed a couple titles.

Some of you may notice that I did not copy and paste the “Battle of the College Hoops Mascots” thing I had going. I thought the problem with that project was that it got so huge and monstronous, it started taking over the blog. I saw it as one of those plants that strangles everything else around it.

To get around this problem, I will be posting this on a new blog site….and finally finishing the damn thing (I try to finish what I start). I’ll let you know what the site is when I get a few things straightened.

Anyway, its been fun writing for you over here….its gonna be even funner more fun (sorry, couldn’t help myself with the little crossed out blog-thing) writing over on the other side. Thanks again for reading all this.

Again, here is the new URL:

GREGSWORDS.WORDPRESS.COM

GREGSWORDS.WORDPRESS.COM

Sorry, wanted to get it in there twice for positive repitition.

Well, TA-TA! I’ll see ya on the other side!

Peace out!

Greg

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And the hits keep on coming….

March 17, 2007 at 3:33 am (Uncategorized)

Okay, we’re gonna keep the ball rolling, just a few things first:

Well, I’m bleeding in my real brackets. Situation: I picked Notre Dame to go not only to the Sweet Sixteen in the NCAAs, but the Elite Eight. And they lost to Winthrop. The sad part: I really wanted to pick Winthrop, but Notre Dame was one of my pre-tourney faves, so I had to stick with them. But because of this, I was actually rooting for Winthrop on TV (I forgot I had ND in the Elite Eight, I thought it was only the Sweet Sixteen). The point to all this: I suck. But hey, atleast I picked Virginia Commonwealth to beat Duke; now all they have to do is beat Pitt and I’m all set.

Quick Movie Review: Here’s a quick review of “300”, which I saw last weekend:

It sucked. It reminded my of a boring opera with no music. It made me tired. There was too much blood; not enough substance. I was bored 12 minutes in. I hated Spartans by the end of the movie. I found out that monsters existed in Ancient Greece, and mingled with humans, and had big teeth. I also found out that wolves were about 1,600 pounds, had yellow, glowing eyes, and looked really fake back then. I hated everyone in the movie except for a twelve foot monster who kicked ass about halfway through, and some deformed dude.

To sum it up: I reminded me of a nice, delicious plate of steaming dog poop. Hey, if this sounds like your type of movie….CHECK IT OUT!!!!

Moving on….

Yes, its true….advertising works!:

I’ve been watching a lot of college hoops for the last 3-4 weeks, and I’ve noticed an ad that occurs over and over: its for Buffalo Wild Wings, some restaurant chain I’ve never heard of. Well, I’ve fallen in love with this place, and not because of the food, or anything I’ve heard: only because of the ads. Which aren’t even that cool; they just kind of suck me in.

What does this mean? Well, it means that someday I’ll pull off a random highway in some random state, and there, in front of me, will be a Buffalo Wild Wings. I’ll stare in shock for a couple minutes, and then mutter, “My God, its what I’ve been waiting for.”

And I’ll probably get a buffalo chicken sandwich with a Ceasar Salad on the side, and it will probably be lame, and maybe I’ll sit at the bar and have a beer or too.

Why am I telling you this? Because it proves that adverstising does work; in perverse ways, maybe, but it works.

Okay..back to My Fake Tourney.

If you don’t know what’s going on…check back a couple of entries ago:

We’re going back to the West, where we already know that the Niagra Purple Eagles take down the Kansas Jayhawks in the first game. Let’s see how the rest of the bracket plays out:

The Villanova Wildcats vs. The Arizona Wildcats:

Okaaaaay….I don’t even know what to say. Is this lame, or so lame that its cool? I say it its kinda cool. Like I said in an earlier post, there will no stalemates, no matter the situation. So one of these groups of wildcats is going to come out on top: end of story.

I’m making another executive decision here: the wildcats facing each other will be directly related to the geography of each school. That means that the wildcats of Villanova will be directly associated with Philadelphia; and the wildcats of of Kentucky will be associated with, well, Kentucky.

This leaves us with five Philly Wildcats, presumably alley cats and strays, to face up against bobcats and cougars from the backwoods of Kentucky.

Look, alley cats are tough and everything….I used to hear them fighting behind my house growing up (interestingly, there is no alley behind the house where I grew up). But in this situation, I’ll take the cats who weigh about 200 more pounds and eat deermeat for dinner.

The Victors: Kentucky

Next up: The Virginia Tech Hokies vs. The Illinios Fighting Illini

Okay…its Google Time!!

After googling “Hokies” I came back, well….confused. A little history about Virginia Tech: turns out, they were originally the Virginia Tech Gobblers; then at some point, Tech fans starting cheering “Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, Hi!” at games. Umm…whatever. But I guess everyone loved this cheer so much that it was decided to officially change the name of the team to “The Hokies,” and even rip down the Gobbler on the scoreboard (although it was later put back up).

So, to put it plainly: The Hokies, are, well…a type of cheer.

The Illini, on the other hand, are an American Indian tribe from Illinois. And being The Fighting Illini….well, we’ll assume they’re pissed off and armed.

Now this is somewhat interesting: its already been established that 5 of each mascot will enter the neutral outdoor setting: the 5 Fighting Illini are easy.

But how, exactly, do you count 5 hokies? Simple: you don’t. The Hokies, actually, are not actually anything: because of this, there will only be one Hokie, and this Hokie will not even exist.

As I see it: the Fighting Illini wait for someone to show up, but all they here is “Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, Hi!” being chanted over and over.

I think this would freak a lot of people out, Illini included: there wouldn’t even be an opponent to fight, just: “Hokie.” This all brings up an interesting question: how, exactly, do you defeat something that doesn’t exist. Simple answer: you don’t. But this brings up the whole stalemate issue. So a new rule is being created by me, on the spot: “If an opponent cannot be defeated in any way, then it is decided that they lose by default.”

So there, the Hokies lose. Even if the Hokies could pull off a win (which I don’t think they would; I don’t care how scared or freaked the Illini would get, I don’t see them actually losing to Hokies), they would lose by default because in actuality, they don’t exist.

So the victors, by default: Illinois

Next up…The Southern Illinois Salukis vs. The Holy Cross Crusaders:

Well, I learned something today: a Saluki is a type of dog that has been around for atleast 3,500 years. To see a picture of one, check this out:

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Mad Marchness Continued….Bitches

March 16, 2007 at 3:50 am (Uncategorized)

Alright, lets get down to business, no waiting around….

We’re moving on in the Mascot Basketball Challenge, whether you like it or not.

I’m starting with the Midwest, even though we already decided the play in game and first game in the West earlier. We’ll get back to that region. Anyone who is confused, check in with the last blog entry for rules and regulations, and to know what the hell I’m talking about.

Let the games….BEGIN:

The Midwest:

The Florida Gators vs. The Jackson St. Tigers:

Okay…this is one is pretty straight forward. We have two powerful, ferocious groups of predators facing off against one another in a neutral, outdoor setting. I think the neutral setting, however, actually hurts the Gators here. Gators need water to be very effective: without it, they lose their stealth. I think the Tigers pull out a win…but I think its bloody, and hard fought.

The Arizona Wildcats vs. The Purdue Boilermakers:

Okay…this is pretty interesting. First, we have the Wildcats, from Arizona. Since we don’t know what wildcats are being talked about here, we will presume they are natural to Arizona (I’m taking some liberties and making up rules as I go…let me know if you have a problem with this). Assuming this, we’ll say its a mix-bag of bobcats, cougars, and other assorted cats.

As for the Boilermakers, well….we’ll say five professionally made boilermakers, with Bud Light and Jack Daniels, will be laid out on the ground ( a boilermaker, for those who don’t know, is a beer with a shot of whiskey thrown into it). Like I said, interesting.

Wildcats are ferocious predators, known to attack people sometimes…but I wouldn’t call them “smart.” To expect a wildcat to understand what a boliermaker is, well, simply impossible. My estimation: the cats would drink the boilermakers and get drunk.

Now….I believe this would be detrimental to the cats well-being. But, that being said, the Boilermakers would cease to exist….therefore, although their plan to get the cats drunk succeeded, the boilermakers attempt suicide in the process.

The Butler Bulldogs vs. The Old Dominion Monarchs:

Well now…this is interesting. I’m not a big fan of bulldogs in battles…sure, they have strong jaws, and can intimidate foes with their drool…but are they really good fighters? I say no.

However, I’m not sure that a group of five Monarchs would really impress me.

Honestly, I think these two would make better friends than foes….I mean, can’t you see some old, crusty monarch from 300 years ago walking around with a spoiled bulldog as a pet? I can. But fighting each other…I think it’d be a little weird.

I see it happening in this way: five random monarchs, from various countries, of varying ages, enter the neutral area. They are given nice, plush chairs to sit on, and each a platter of grapes to eat from.

The bulldogs are led out, and let loose.

And for awhile, nothing happens. The bulldogs walk around slobbering; the monarchs sit around, talking of their palaces and their royal halls, and eating their grapes. Eventually, they get up to befriend the bulldogs, who seem somewhat royal themselves. And out of boredom and hunger, the bulldogs attack the monarchs, and eventually win the match.

I’m sorry…that may have seemed lame. But I am not, under any circumstances, allowing stalemates in this tourney…one way or another, there will be a winner. In the end….someone’s got to go. That’s the only way I saw it happening.

The Maryland Terrapins vs. The Davidson Wildcats

Hmm….more wildcats….only this time, they land a challenging foe.

For those who don’t know, terrapins are giant snapping turtles (I googled it just to make sure). Wildcats, as we already know, are wildcats. I think this would be a tremendous match-up, with non-stop excitement. The terrapins, slow but strong; the wildcats, quick and lean. I think it would last for hours, and I also think opinions would vary as to who would win….but I think, in the end, the terrapins outwit the cats, and eventually take them down. Remember….Turtles Have Wisdom (atleast I think they do…they live to be like 140 years old).

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. The Winthrop Eagles:

Ahh…here’s one of the matchups I’ve been waiting for. A bunch of fighting Irish dudes….against eagles. At Notre Dame games, a leprehchan guy (I’m not even gonna look up how to spell that…actually, it kinda looks right) runs around the field/court. We’re elimating him….and replacing him with some of the craziest, drunkest, Irish dudes I know. I know a lot of them. It kind of sucks….they get to go against….eagles. The most cliched sports animal ever. Whatever….here’s how I see it.

The Irish dudes are pissed at being made to do this, and they’re drunk. They’re allowed to bring their beers into the fighting area with them. The majestic eagles, flying high above, see their drunken targets below. Easy pickens, right?

Wrong. The first eagle swoops, hits a guy in the head, draws blood….and gets these crazy, drunk Irish dudes REALLY pissed. They start chucking a barrage of beer cans, beer bottles, and rocks at the birds. The birds can’t handle it. The Fighing Irish kick the crap out of them. And afterwards, they grill the eagles over an open pit…and drink more beers.

(If anyone was offended by my portrayal of Fighting Irish dudes….just make fun of Armenians, of which I am half. Or actually, just make fun of any ethnic group/religion/club that you feel like. Just don’t fight me.)

The Oregon Ducks vs. The Miami of Ohio Redhawks:

Ahhh, the Ducks….the absolute lamest mascot of all time, not including the Arlington Spy Ponders (inside joke for those from eastern Mass.). I don’t care if they’re an intrical part of Oregon’s history….I don’t care if ducks founded the state, wrote the constitution, and designed the state flag. Its still a shitty name for a sports team. They’re not even cool, like cardnals or bluejays…there, just, well, ducks!!

If you even have to think about what I think the Redhawks would do to the Ducks…well, you’re reading the wrong blog (on that note, you’re probably reading the wrong blog anyway).

The UNLV Rebels vs. The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets:

Okay….this is where my whole system hits a snag. Up until this point, according to my earlier post regarding this tourney, five of each mascot would enter the fighting area (per five basketball players per team to a court).

This is all fine and well for the Rebels….but for the Yellow Jackets, it just doesn’t work. Yellow Jackets, like all members of the bee/wasp family, produce their terror in numbers. Unless you’re allergic to bees, they’re only a nusance if there’s a few of them; a break a nest, and watch out.

If these Rebels, armed with….well, guns and stuff, I guess…were to face off against five yellow jackets…..well, they’d probably get a few stings, and then squish the little suckers. But if hundreds of yellow jackets were allowed to fight…well forget about the Rebels, the Yellow Jackets might be the tourney favorites.

I’m sort of torn here…..but I’m also in a hurry, and don’t have time to dwell, so I’m making an executive decision:

“It is with great regret that I, Greg Hovanesian, Commissioner of this fake Tournament, turn down the request of the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, who have requested that five hundred bees be allowed to fight, instead of five.”

Tough loss for the Jackets….but it was just as tough a decision by me. Honestly…its one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made, and it leaves me with a heavy heart…I like those little guys. (In real life…I HATE BEES).

The Wisconsin Badgers vs. The Texas A&M Corpus Christie Islanders:

With all due respect….this would be a bloodbath.

Badgers, like Terrapins, are a sleeper pick for myself (for those not familiar with the term: an opponent that critics “sleep” on….and end up being better than expected). Badgers are really, really, tough. They live in tough climates. They can take down a deer with a single blow….okay, maybe not. But they’re damn tough little critters….and they fight dirty.

As for the Islanders….well, being from the South, we’ll say their tropical island dwellers. I love Islanders….they’re easy going, make cool drinks, and party on the beach. I mean, they make great company. But Islanders, atleast in my mind, aren’t really great fighters (anyone upset with my perception of Islanders….see above about the Irish).

Anyway…I think the Islanders, much like the earlier Monarchs, would try to befriend the Badgers. And, much to their chagrin…the badgers would launch their nasty attack. Honestly….this makes me sad to think about. I like Islanders…they’re good people.

And this marks the end of the Midwest Bracket:

Sorry, I’ve gotta go to bed. But don’t fret….this baby ain’t done yet. Peace.

Greg

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Mad Marchness 2007, Part 1

March 13, 2007 at 3:49 am (Uncategorized)

Hey Everyone….how’s it going. Good? Glad to hear it. Have you ever wondered what would happen if instead of basketball games being played in the NCAA Basketball tournaments, the mascots simply battled to the death? Well I have. Forget the brackets you’ve figured out; your whole bracket world is about to be thrown upside down

Without further ado,

THE BATTLE OF THE COLLEGE BASKETBALL MASCOTS….WHO WILL BE VICTORIOUS??

Before I do anything, I have to give a shout out to my Main Man Kevin Canavan, who has already seen this plan in motion (back in the fall, with NFL football teams. No one but his dad was there to witness it; until the time comes around again, I won’t reveal who won). While watching b-ball with him yesterday, he brought it up. And a lightbulb went on in my head. Ahoy! So Kev….thanks for the inspiration, dawg.

Let’s get to the rules of play:

1) The mascots are not playing each other in basketball….that would just be ludicrous. They are fighting…TO THE DEATH!!!

2) A basketball team sends five guys to the court…for the time being, we’ll say that five of each mascot will be sent to face another five, although it may get complicated, and I think the rules will need to be tweaked. (I think the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets will cause the most problems here).

3) Basketball is played on hardwood floors. For the sake of the mascots, who usually don’t do battle on hardwood, we’ll move them to a neutral, outdoor setting.

4) Since I am the Commish of this league…the final rules involving discrepencies comes down to me, and me only. I will be fair and just.

Now….the Matchups.

Play in game:

The Florida A&M Rattlers vs. The Niagra Purple Eagles

Round 1, The Midwest:

The Florida Gators vs. The Jackson State Tigers

The Arizona Wildcats vs. The Purdue Boilermakers

The Butler Bulldogs vs. The Old Dominion Monarchs

The Maryland Terrapins vs. The Davidson Wildcats

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. The Winthrop Eagles

The Oregon Ducks vs. The Miami of Ohio Redhawks

The UNLV Rebels vs. The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

The Wisconsin Badgers vs. The Texas A&M Corpus Christi Islanders

The West:

The Kansas Jayhawks vs. The Florida A&M Rattlers or The Niagra Purple Eagles

The Kentucky Wildcats vs. The Villanova Wildcats

The Virginia Tech Hokies vs. The Illinios Fighting Illini

The Southern Illinois Salukies vs. The Holy Cross Crusaders

The Duke Blue Devils vs. The Virginia Commonwealth Rams

The Pittsburgh Panthers vs. The Wright State Raiders

The Indiana Hoosiers vs. The Gonzaga Bulldogs

The UCLA Bruins vs. The Weber State Wildcats

The East:

The North Carolina Tarheels vs. The Eastern Kentucky Colonels

The Marquette Golden Eagles vs. The Michigan State Spartans

The USC Trojans vs. The Arkansas Razorbacks

The Texas Longhorns vs. The New Mexico State Aggies

The Vanderbilt Commodores vs. The George Washington Colonials

The Washington State Cougars vs. The Oral Roberts Golden Eagles

The Boston College Eagles vs. The Texas Tech Red Raiders

The Georgetown Hoyas vs. The Belmont Bruins

The South:

The Ohio State Buckeyes vs. The Central Conneticutt State Blue Devils

The BYU Cougars vs. The Xavier Musketeers

The Tennessee Vols vs. The Long Beach State 49ers

The Virginia Cavaliers vs. The Albany Great Danes

The Louisville Cardinals vs. The Stanford Cardinal

The Texas A&M Aggies vs. The Penn Quakers

The Nevada Wolf Pack vs. The Creighton Bluejays

The Memphis Tigers vs. The North Texas Mean Green

Phew….that took awhile.

Okay….

There is no possible way I’m going to be able to go over every match up in the First Round tonight, let alone the whole tournament. This might be a mulitple entry procedure. But I’ll see what I can get done tonight, starting with the West Bracket, which has the play-game. So before the tourney starts, lets go over the play-in game.

The Florida A&M Rattlers vs. The Niagra Purple Eagles:

Rattlers, for the most part, are a pretty formidable foe. They’re poisonous, aggressive, and sneaky. In a neutral outdoor setting, with five rattlers slithering around, I think any opponent would be intimidated.

Ofcourse, we’re not dealing with any opponent here: we’re dealing with Purple Eagles. Purple Eagles?!?! I mean, I’ve heard of some crazy shit, but I think Purple Eagles take the cake. Are these special eagles? Are they magical? As far as I know, there are no purple eagles in the wild. So what kind of eagles, are purple eagles, exactly?

Here’s what I say: they’re majestic and fierce….but not magical. Sorry, there’s no mention of magic here. But they are purple, don’t forget. All of this being said…I think the Purple Eagles take the Rattlers down. The Rattlers are at a distinct disadvantage, because the Purple Eagles can swoop from above and take out the Rattlers, one at a time. Don’t get me wrong…I think a Purple Eagle could get bitten in the melee. I just don’t see them losing.

Victor: The Niagra Purple Eagles

Round 1, The West:

The Purple Eagles get no rest…they immediately have to take on the Kansas Jayhawks. Which, honestly, doesn’t seem like as formidable a task. I mean…Jayhawks sound tough and everything, but against Purple Eagles…I don’t know. Let’s not forget….these are Purple Eagles that just defeated a bunch of nasty Rattlers. I think the Jayhawks would certainly be tough, especially off some rest…but I just think the Purple Eagles prevail here. I don’t know…just a gut feeling.

The Victor: The Purple Eagles

Okay folks…thats all I can do right now. Sorry…gotta get some shut eye. But I will be back to finish this epic tournament.

Until Next Time,

Greg

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The Blog of the Week

February 19, 2007 at 11:10 pm (Uncategorized)

Quote of the Day, 2/19/07:

“Don’t Mass. Up New Hampshire!”

sign on a bridge above 1-93 North, somewhere in Northern New Hamphire

After northern New England got hit with a crapload of snow earlier this week, it was my duty to hit the road and get the hell out of the slushy, icy city for awhile. The destination was Cannon Mtn., located directly off I-93 in Franconia Notch, home to some of New Englands nastiest weather, best skiing, and the starting point for several mountain climbs, including the well known Mt. Layafette/Mt. Lincoln route (the 4th and 7th highest peaks in New England, respectively). I don’t remember exactly where the sign was, but it was somewhere in North Central NH, and it really grabbed my attention (mainly because there was nothing else to really pay attention to, except, you know, the road and everyting). But it got me thinking: which of the northeastern states is the most hated by other surrounding states? I would put three into this catergory: Mass (home of the MassHoles), New York, and ofcourse, the immortal New Jersey. After about twenty minutes of driving and thinking, I came to this conclusion: In northern New England states (Maine, NH, Vermont), it would have to be Mass., simply because Mass is pretty close in proximity to these areas and is home to all-sorts of vices (pollution, crime, drugs, and ofcourse, lots of people) that potentially travel north. But I would also make the argument that at many New England universities, New Jersey gets more of a bad rap, simply because people from New Jersey flock to schools all over the Northeast (although MassHoles do the same, as do New Yorkers). And in these particular cases, I think the word hate is much too strong: whereas the sign I saw showed utter disdain for Mass., at schools around N.E., its more of a “Lets make New Jersey the butt of all jokes,” thing. As for Southern New England, I really can’t speak for who’s the least admired of the three in the states of Conneticutt and Rhode Island, although I would think it wouldn’t be Mass., since we don’t we really go on vacation down there (why would we go to the Long Island Sound when we’ve got the Cape, and the Islands? Thanks but no thanks, Sea Shore Sate.)

Armenian Fact of the Week:

Okay, for anyone who doesn’t know, I’m half Armenian. For those who don’t know where the country of Armenia is (yes, it is a country), it borders Turkey, Georgia (not the state, dummy), Iran, and Azerbaijan, in the Eastern Europe/Middle Eastern area of the world. Armenia is considered to be a part of Eurasia, although it is technically Asia Minor. It was a part of the former U.S.S.R. before re-gaining its independence in the early ’90s. It was the first country in the world to ratify Christianity as its official religion. During World War I, the Turks murdered over 1 million Armenians in the Armenian Genocide, although it is still denied by Turkish officials today. You can always tell an Armenian by their last name, which either ends in -ian or -yan. For instance, my name is Greg Hovanesian (one ‘s’ removed at Ellis Island), and I have relatives with the last names of Garabedian and Kolchalkian.

So there you have it: a very brief lesson on Armenia. I once had a basketball coach who told me he couldn’t pronounce my last name, so my new name would be “Schnitzel” (I guess he figured schnitzel came from Armenia). Hopefully none of you will put an Armenian in an awkward postition such as this. Without further ado, here’s the fact of the week:

It came to my attention last week, while watching E!, that Kim Kardashian, daughter of the deceased Robert Kardashian, who was one of O.J. Simpson’s lawyers, is going to have her very own sex-tape. Kardashian, who is half Armenian, half Iranian, is a good pal of socialite Paris Hilton, and they can often be seen together shopping or partying. Since Paris already stars in two sex tapes (I think), Kardashian must have felt it was time to show us all what she’s got. Now she is sueing the someone (not sure who) due to its release (the male counterpart is rapper Ray J, who I know nothing about). Vivid Video owns the rights to the video (sold by an “unidentified” culprit) and Kardashian is atleast acting like she is not happy with what has happened. Can’t speak for her, but I’m sure in the end, it will be a good career move.

Moving On….

Future Projects from Greg:

Some of you may want to know what I’m planning for the future of this here blog. Here’s some stuff, a lot of which may never make onto these pages.

“James Bond Extravaganza”: As some of you may know, I grew up watching James Bond movies. I think every Sean Connery Bond flick is on VHS at my parent’s house, with the exception of “You Only Live Twice”, which was tragically cut-off during recording. Anyway, I’ve probably seen these about 70 times each, and I have decent knowledge of most Roger Moore films. Well, it just so happens that Comcast OnDemand is carrying every single Bond movie right now on the Encore package. Sadly, I have a pre-historic package right now that isn’t even digital; I won’t get into why, but lets just say that its very affordable. Anyway, my idea is to watch every Bond movie before mid-March when they’re all gone, and write about them. Honestly, the odds aren’t looking very good. I have to watch them at my parents house, and I’m usually busy doing other stuff when I’m there. I have about 20 movies to watch, and since, you know, I have a life and everything, this project is getting dimmer by the day. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance that I can glance through a bunch one day, and just write one paper about all of them (I watched “Live and Let Die” to kick off the idea a couple weeks ago, and aside from some unintentional comedy involving the utterly stiff Roger Moore walking through Harlem as 007, and an unbelievably great boat chase at the end, the movie was absolutely awful. I could have just watched 15 minutes of it.) Anyway, don’t keep your fingers crossed.

I also have other future projects, but won’t say anything for now: I’ll keep you in the dark for now.

Moving on…

The Token “Thing that Greg would find funny, but probably no one else who reads this blog would” Thing of the Week:

Trying to think of a better title for this catergory: at the moment, it doesn’t really slide off the tongue, you know? Anyway, most people who know me pretty well know that I can have a really twisted sense of humor at times. I can’t help it: its just the way I think.

Anyway, most of you have probably seen the new McDonalds ads that are on TV these days: they show a young guy munching on a honey chicken wrap as people do deranged things around him: in one example, a guy is trying to dig out of his office through a wall. The guy with the wrap asks what he’s doing, to which his co-worker says “I’m getting out, man. I saw it in a movie.” (I assume he means “The Shawshank Redemption”). To this, the guy with the wrap turns around with a little smirk on his face, looks at his wrap, and says to no one in particular “Looks like somebody missed snack time.” Okay, first of all I’ve been really hungry before, and it usually doesn’t lead to dementia. If I was really hungry at say, work, I would first go to a vending machine, and if that didn’t do it, and it was an emgercency, I would sneak out to get a quick bite, maybe even at McDonalds. I can’t remember the last time that I was so hungry that I just couldn’t help myself from doing something super wierd, like digging a hole in the wall. Honestly, wouldn’t all that work just make you hungrier?

But this is all beside the point. My idea for an ad that no else would find funny is the following: the same guy who’s in all the ads is walking down the street, honey chicken wrap in hand. He comes around a corner, and there on the ground are four bodies in body bags. There’s a bunch of cops and paramedics walking around, and cruisers and ambulances. The guy with the wrap, a little worried and a little curious, asks a bystander what happened.

“Some guy lost his mind,” the bystander replies. “Brought his girlfriend out here on the road, took two other people hostage, and killed them all execution style in front of hundreds of people, and then took his own life. It was horrible. People were crying. Honestly, I myself am a little traumatized.”

To which the guy with the wrap turns around with a little smirk on his face, looks down at his wrap, exhales loudly while gently shaking his head, and states, “Man, looks like somebody missed snack time.”

Again, you’re probably not laughing right now. You’re probably a little revolted. Hey, its to be expected: like I said, I’ve got a wierd sense of humor. That’s how I roll…

Moving On…

The Weekly “Uh-oh, look out everybody, he’s Pissed!” section of the blog:

As some of you have seen in my “Boogie Down Boston” sections of the blog, at times, I rant. Ahh, it feels so good to rant. Cause there’s so much stuff that can be fixed, especially around Boston, and it drives me mad when problems aren’t fixed for no logical reason. So to rant, is to vent. Its fun. You should try it sometime. If anyone pisses you off, bite your lip, and later on, in your bedroom, rip your friend to pieces in a “Rant Diary.” (No, I do not practice this method of ranting).

Back to the point….

This doesn’t warrent “Boogie Down Boston” recognition, but it deserves “Uh-oh, look out, he’s Pissed!” recognition. Honestly, I’m not even pissed. I’m just a little perplexed. Sit down…I’ll tell you about it.

I belong to a volunteer association know as YAVA (Young Alumni Volunteer Association). Honestly, I’ve signed up for some stuff, but haven’t really voluteered yet. Well, I was able to sign up for a black-tie event to volunteer at: you guessed it, I’m going to be hanging out with “local celebrities” at an after-Oscars party at the State House, where’ll I’ll be, I don’t know, doing something to help out. Anyway, being black-tie and everything, I had to get a tux. Figured I’d go to Men’s Warehouse, since they’re cheap and they already had my measurements from the summer (a wedding I attended). Anyway, for those of you who know the Boston area, there are two locations: the CambridgeSide Galleria, and the one in Medford, near Kappy’s.

Lets step back a second: I didn’t want to drive because there was snow and ice everywhere, and I didn’t want to lose my parking spot in Allston, where it can be spotty at times. It was sunny and about 30 degrees: a perfect time, I decided, to take the T up to Wellington on the Orange Line, where the Medford store is located. One reason I was excited (yup, I was excited) was that for the first time in my life, I would get to see the Wellington T stop from the inside (driven past it many times, but never actually set foot in the place). Might seem stupid, but as a long time T-taker, I was curious. Well, about an hour and a half after leaving my apartment, there I was, at the Wellington T stop. And I have to say: it sucked.

Getting off the train, it was like any old stop: escalators taking you back up to ground level, some dude selling candy, weirdos walking around. But then I got outside, and realized, I was trapped on the wrong side of tracks (nothing to do with crime, just literally, on the wrong side of the tracks). There were a lot of buses, and people waiting for buses, and looking over my shoulder, I could see everything that I needed to get to, blocked by fences, train tracks, third rails, and vacant lots. I must have missed something: there must have been a way around this crap. I went back in to invesigate: nope, no luck.

Heading back out, I saw some guy waiting for a bus.

“Hey, how do I get to the other side of the tracks?” I asked.

“Ohh, you gotta go underneath that overpass, then take a right, climb the hill, and cross the bridge.”

Umm…okay. Let’s just say, it sounds easier than it was. First, I had to walk for awhile (the overpass was a little ways away). When I got down there, I realized that it was super, super sketchy to go under the overpass, considering there was a huge sign that read “No Pedestrians Beyond This Point.” Well, I figured the guy had to know what he was talking about: I mean, he was local (although he actually probably wasn’t, since he was waiting for a bus to leave the T stop). So, I gave it a whirl: and once underneath, I realized, the sign was right, the guy was wrong. Lets just say, it was a bad idea, and I exited from where I came (Mom and Dad, please don’t flip out). Safely out of the tunnel, I started walking towards, you guessed it, a hill, with mud and snow. Ohh by the way, did I mention, everything was solid ice, and there were cars and buses driving around at like 50 mph. Hey Gang: You can’t afford to miss the Wellington T stop experience, located on the Orange Line in Medford!!!

Anyway, I found a little trail where I could climb the hill, got a good grip on the concrete wall, and scaled its ass (it helped that I’m from the city of Somerville, where you need to know how to climb chain link fences by the age of seven.) Once on top of the wall, I started to climb up the trail I had found: a swath of mud cut through the snow and ice, with only a few random bottles of mystery liquids in the way. Super cool! After making it to the guardrail, I flipped myself over, and there I was, on the utterly snow and ice covered sidewalk along side Route 16! Clinging to the fence, I was able to make it to safe ground, where it only took about seven minutes to cross the most complicated interesection in the world (if you think it sucks driving around here, imagine walking). But, eventually, I got to the Men’s Warehouse. After about twenty minutes, I was set, with a sweet single button tux set for pick-up on Friday. The only problem: getting back to the T in one piece. Ofcourse it all worked out: I even grabbed a roast beef sandwhich on the way back. But the important lesson here: the Wellington T stop is probably the worst, most pedestrian unfriendly train stop in the country (I would say worse, but I’m sure there’s some worse ones in, say, Calcutta).

Speaking of Roast Beef: That’s another future project I want to tackle: compare all the famous roast beef places in Boston (Kelly’s, Mike’s and Nick’s [ I know, Nick’s isn’t famous.]) I might have to throw Arby’s in as a control (I took one of my friends who was from Vermont to Mike’s one time, and he said “I don’t know, I think it tastes just like Arby’s” which at the time I took for blasphemy, but, having never been to an Arby’s, I can’t really say). My goal, if I do do this: Don’t get fat.

The weekly “Hi Mom!” segment:

Well, I just actually said hi to Mom today. But yesterday, when I came home for a little, I was ripped for the first time ever about my blog:

“Oh, and hey, I don’t want to read about you not walking somewhere because you only have sneakers! You have three pairs of boots here!”

So Mom, since you’re probably reading this, I am taking the boots with the laces to my apartment, and I am sorry for not listening to you earlier as I should have and not taking to the boots to my place in November, just in case.

Some Valentine’s Day leftovers: I wanted to blog about Valentine’s Day, but couldn’t get into the mood, no pun intended. But I did hear some cool facts on the radio which I’d like to re-hash:

A lot of people probably already know this, but the little heart candies, which some claim taste like chalk (although I enjoy them), are made by Necco, right outside of Boston in the city of Revere. That means Revere is known for things not involving hairspray, make-up, strip-clubs, and roast beef (again with the roast beef).

I also learned that the first Valentine’s Day card, as well as the first birth control device, were created in Worchester. Which means Worchester is known for other things besides knife-fights, sleaze-bags, and being cold.

Hopefully no one from Revere or Worchester read this. If you did, I’m sorry: I couldn’t help myself.

Well, I’m spent. That is officially my blog of the week. This may have to be the new format: sorry, but I have a lot of trouble writing on weeknights. Today and last Sunday, I feel/felt like a million bucks. Stuff I do post during the week will probably be shorter, save for special occasions. As for tonight, I may just make another post. So keep you’re eyes open you crazy bastards (you’re not crazy, and you’re not bastards, I’m just saying….)

Until Next Time,

Greg

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Adult Swim chaos re-visited; some other stuff

February 3, 2007 at 11:00 pm (Uncategorized)

Hey Everyone,

How’s it going? Well, things have calmed down here in Boston; the last time I wrote everything, it felt like the world was gonna end. Honestly, looking back, it was a really goofy period of time. I’d like to comment on my previous blog, and recind on a couple of statements. In my fired up state (honestly, I couldn’t help it, I had been listening to about an hour and a half worth of angry radio callers, and I had been watching live police press conferences), I think I made the statement that the items in question looked like “freaking bombs.” I’d just to like say, I don’t think they look like freaking bombs. In fact, they don’t look like bombs at all. That being said, I don’t see the insane reaction as being totally unwarranted. Were things blown out of proportion?: without a doubt. But did the Boston Police Force do a good job by taking all precautions neccesary?: I think so.

I think this whole situation brings up a larger issue, which seems to be that there is a major breach in communication between certain parts of our community. The way I read it in the papers the next day, a T worker saw the object, thought it looked funny, and reported it. He didn’t think it was a big deal, and was surprised by the reaction: the authorities did think it was a big deal. As the day went on, more of these mysterious glowing objects turned up in ominous spots around the city: now, lets pause the story here. As soon as it was discovered that these were all identical objects, something should have clicked with someone. I’m not saying that the authorities involved should have been familiar with this show, leading to the hoax being averted; I’m saying that someone should have been sent to an office with a copy of what the object looked like and a mission: find out what the hell these things were.

Instead, authorities didn’t let anyone see the objects, which I is guess is probably standard when dealing with potential terrorist devices. It just seems funny to me that if someone had said, “Oh wait a minute, let me fax this over to my buddy Greg, he might have an idea,” I would have received the fax and replied that it was the little punk alien from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And I don’t even watch the show: I watch the network, but its one of my least favorite shows in the line-up. I guess my point is that there were a lot of people around Boston who knew what these things were.

On the same hand, you really can’t ever be too safe these days dealing with terrorist plots and shady objects: just look at the plots that have been foiled in England. So I think its safe to say: Boston overreacted, but this is not too unwarranted these days.

Before I leave it alone forever, just a couple things: One of my roomates brought up the point that she was upset that CNN, owned by parent company Turner Broadcasting, had tremendous ratings all day due to this sensational story, of which they were essentially the cause. Hmmm. Can anyone say, conspiracy theory??

Also, I just want to say a few things about the clowns who put these things up: I was really starting to feel sorry for these guys: no criminal records, just doing their jobs and trying to make a quick $300 bucks. Well, I don’t feel sorry for them anymore. Are you kidding me with that press conference? I mean, look: people are pretty sensitive these days. This point is proven by what happened in Boston the other day. And sure, it seemed obvious to them that it was blown out of proportion. Fine. But when you’re held in captivity by a bunch of people who are really pissed off at you, and don’t really like you, there are a couple of rules to follow: act polite, always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ and definitely don’t, under any circumstances, have a fake press conference where you secretly promote a new TV show and make everyone involved feel like idiots. I don’t think they’ll do jail time (I don’t think they should), but I think they should be careful about what they say to who, especially the guy who’s seeking political aslyum from Belarus at this moment.

Okay, I’m done with that. Honestly, I hope we all are (except Mayor Menino, the more angry quotes, the better. Go Mumbles!!) But I do want to follow up on what I wrote about the Gilmore Girls the other night: one of my coworkers, after reading my blog, informed me that the head writer is actually a guy. He used to write with his wife as a tag-team effort. I was convinced there were no males involved in the writing. Whatever; he’s no guy I would hang around with. In my view, that means he’s not a guy.

Now, to move on to the big game tommorrow: honestly, as soon as the Pats were knocked out of the playoffs, I lost interest in the Super Bowl. Kind of snotty, huh? Thats what happens when your team wins three Super Bowls. But I’m not even sure if it was wholly that. Last year, I was secretly relieved that the Pats didn’t make it: I don’t care how many Super Bowls your team wins (kind of a funny statement) every SB is just as stressful as the last. Honestly, as a diehard fan, its a lot of work to watch your team go all the way: and after two years of that, I wasn’t sure if I could make it through another playoffs (I’m sure I could have). But this year, I was ready for the Pats to make the run again, and when they lost the way they did, I just kind of lost the desire to watch the Super Bowl.

But something odd happened in the last few days: I’ve been bitten by the Super Bowl bug. I haven’t been watching any football specials on TV, haven’t been listening to much sports radio, haven’t been making frequent stops to ESPN.com. Maybe thats why: maybe the sensory overload was sort of killing my desire. But its wierd: I was walking home from work the other day and thought “Damn, I really can’t wait for the Super Bowl.” I’m really pretty pumped. And I have to say, I’m rooting for the Colts. I want to see Peyton Manning win the big one, for a few reasons: first, it gives the Colts more credibility, for all the times we’ve whupped ’em in the past; it gives Peyton more credibility, which will make the NFL a more interesting place; and most importantly, I’ll never have to feel bad (not that I ever would) when the Pats whup ’em in the future. Also, I really kind of like Peyton Manning: at this point, I just want the guy to win it and get it over with. Then we won’t have to deal with awkward Dan Marino comparisons in the future when both guys are in the same room.

Another thing I’m really looking forward too: the Super Bowl ads. Back before the Pats were odds favorites to be in the Super Bowl, this was really my favorite part. I mean, honestly, most Super Bowls were pretty awful games before 2000, when all of the sudden, they got entertaining. Once the Pats started making Super Bowls, the ads were forgotten: this period of time was simply used for re-grouping mentally and catching your breath. Last year I sort of watched them, but I was in between two bars and couldn’t really catch them. This year, I’m ready. Its gonna be just like the old days. In fact, I might even record them all on paper and pick my favorites. All I know is: I’m ready.

One final thing: the big news in the sports world yesterday, if you want to call it big news, is that Brett Favre will not be retiring: he will be returning to the Green Bay Packers for his seventeenth year. Now, I’m not one to criticize guys out loud for not retiring when they should: honestly, I think it sounds pompous. But this time, I’m going to open my mouth: Brett Favre is hurting the future Green Bay Packers by doing this. He has more than plateaued: he crashed back to the ground about three seasons ago. Look, I like Brett Favre: I just don’t know what he has to prove here. If he comes back, and starts again, he’s essentially wasting a first round pick from two years ago, Aaron Rodgers. As long as Rodgers sits on the bench and doesn’t get game experience in this league, the worse his odds become at ever becoming successful. He needs experience. And Favre is not allowing him this. If I was the coach of Green Bay, I would bench Favre, not to serve a message, but because as a football team, I believe the best path is with the young gun. I told one of my friends this two seasons ago, and we got into a little tiff about it: he’s a Green Bay fan, and thought I was a moron for thinking this. I respect his argument, but I think this is the problem: people love Favre so much in Green Bay, they’ll mutiny if he doesn’t start. I mean, can you imagine Favre sitting on the sidelines with a headset and a clipboard? No, neither can I. It will not happen unless he is injured, which shouldn’t be overlooked: in NFL years he’s about 98, and the elderly tend to be more injury prone.

I guess my main problem with the decision is the lack of sense: I mean, what does Favre need? He’s got a Super Bowl ring, numerous MVPs, and he’s definitely a Hall of Famer. Again, I don’t mean to tell a guy when to retire. But in this case, he is setting back the Green Bay organization.

Everyone have a safe weekend. Greg

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Adult Swim and some other stuff

February 1, 2007 at 5:02 am (Uncategorized)

Hello,

Well, its been quiet a day here in Boston, as you all probably know. Although my head was in the sand and I didn’t realize anything was up until about 5:30pm (I really don’t know how this happened), the life and way of the city of Boston as we know it came to a crashing halt sometime this morning. Turns out, Interference Inc., an alternative/guerilla marketing firm, placed glowing devices shaped like the little alien guy from ‘Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” a show on Cartoon Network’s ‘Adult Swim’ sub-network, underneath the I-93 overpass on the Charlestown/Somerville line, as well as on bridges straddling the Mass Pike and Storrow Drive (I think, I’m not really sure at this point). Wow. Theres so much to talk about at this point, I don’t even know where to start.

First of all, lets talk about the moron placing these things around Boston, and the people who were employing him who were just as moronic. I totally understand Adult Swim’s guerilla tactics here: as an avid viewer myself, I know the mentality of the programs and the network’s relations with its viewers, which is pretty unique. I can’t really put it into words: but for the most part, viewers of Adult Swim programs enjoy being messed with by the station: its part of the game. But whoever thought it was a bright idea to put one of these things underneath a bridge on a major, major highway in a major city, where it seemed to go unnoticed for two weeks (leaving us to speculate that it was in a somewhat shady spot where not a lot of people would notice it) is not only a person lacking logical sense, but someone who is insanely stupid. This part of town, for anyone who doesn’t really know Boston, isn’t exactly a hotbed of those who watch Adult Swim, who are usually between 18 and 35 years old. Granted, Bunker Hill Community College is right in the vincinity, but besides that its pretty much commuters, construction workers, cops, T workers, and Charlestown ‘Townies’. Like I said, not exactly the most promising area to market. So to start, it was in a bad location.

But it wasn’t only in a bad location marketing wise: it was in a bad location because it looked like a freaking bomb! I mean, honestly, can’t the numbnut who put this up add two and two together: if a glowing object, of which maybe 3% of the population can idenitify right off as a cartoon character, is spotted by someone attached to the bridge of a highway, authorities are going to be called. And they were. And 93 North, two major bridges in Boston, and large parts of the T subway system were shut down. For the life of me, I can’t see how someone would think this was a good idea in this day and age. Honestly. I live in Allston, the heart of college kids/young people in Boston, a perfect place to market this upcoming movie. If I had seen one of these on, say, Brighton Ave. in Allston, I probably would have laughed, although I wouldn’t have known a movie was coming out. But you can’t expect people who are older and obviously don’t watch this stuff to see this glowing object and not be, well, a little scared.

Okay, I may seem a little angry. I am. Because honestly, theres maybe four TV stations that I watch consistently: the Discovery Channel, the History Channel, the ESPNs (which has been phased out a little due to the ending of the football season this weekend), and specifically Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network (I also watch the Weather Channel and re-runs of ‘Saved By the Bell’ on TBS in the morning, but thats beside the point). I Love Adult Swim. The combination of their edgeneness towards their viewers and great programs (Futurama, Family Guy, and The Venture Brothers to give a few examples) is a breath of fresh air on late night TV. You always know what you’re going get. Their not afraid to insult or confuse their viewers with bizarre promos because they know the viewers aren’t going anywhere. Nothing’s ever taken seriously: you can always expect to find great quaility cartoons for mature audiences (which I think is a greatly misunderstood genre by the majority of folks over 35). And now, sadly, this oasis is at threat.

I’m not saying its going to change. Hey, maybe it won’t. But, undoubtably, people are going to fired due to this fiasco, and lots of money will be lost. Those higher up at Turner Communications, the parent company of the Cartoon Network, are going to be royally pissed off. The entire city of Boston is calling for the heads of the board room members as I write this. Maybe Adult Swim will stay the same; maybe in a month, this will be a valuable lesson learned but no more. But who’s to say the CEO of the Cartoon Network, or maybe the authority more closely associated with Adult Swim, doesn’t lose his or her job? I’m not, thats for sure. Will ripples be felt? Will we see gradual changes over the next few months? Will the FCC feel pressured to kick some butt? Most importantly, will any of the edgeness be gone? My hope is that this great network isn’t effected: we’ll certainly see most of the same shows. But I guess, in time, we’ll see where this leads Adult Swim.

Oh well…enough about this story. On a totally unrelated note, I went to see ‘Children of Men’ last night. I didn’t really know what to expect: most people had told me it was good, but I wanted to check it out for myself. My final verdict, after watching it: I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would, and now, about 24 hours later, I realize I didn’t like it all. I mean, it was original, don’t get me wrong, but besides that, there was nothing I found really captivating about it. To me, it seemed like the type of movie a Socialology professor would like: “This, my friends, is what happens to people when we fail to re-populate!!” Um, okay…but how did everyone become infertile in the first place? The, movie, as a whole, just didn’t do it for me. I don’t even want to discuss it. If someone wants to disagree, throw me a bone.

On another unrelated note, I watched the ‘Gilmore Girls’ for the first time last night. My roomate warned me: “Its really cheesy, but I really like it!” Well, I couldn’t refuse something like that. It was not really cheesy: it was really, really, really, really, really, really cheesy. I found myself captivated by the dialogue in the first minute: no one, and I mean no one, except the cheesiest people in the world, would have these conversations. I mean, conversations of this nature just don’t happen. Anyone who watches the show and enjoys it, you know what I mean.

And then theres the guys in this show, if you want to call them that. I don’t: I’d rather call them women in men suits, or men with vaginas. Plainly speaking, they were not male, period. The premise of the episode I watched was that Chris, the husband of the elder Gilmore girl, was installing a flat screen TV. His reasoning: “So I can watch Reggie Bush on a flat screen.” Seems like a reasonable answer to any female, but me being a football savy male had these questions to ask: “You live in Connecticutt, but you want to watch Reggie Bush? Um, why? Don’t you have a team, or are you one of those guys who doesn’t follow a team? If you do have team, did you just pick New Orleans because they drafted Bush?” See, if the female writers cared about catering to male viewers, they would make him a Jets fan, or maybe a Pats fan. Ofcourse, this really isn’t a problem because in the entire United States there were probably 6 male viewers last night, one of whom was me. About halfway through the show I came up with the conclusion that if I had to live my life trapped on the set of this show with these people, I would shoot myself within two days. I’m not joking; I told my roomate this. To sum it up: my favorite character was the grandfather, who had a heart attack at the end of the show. I laughed when he had the heart attack. Thats usually not a good sign when grave physical danger of you’re favorite character on a show causes you to laugh.

One more note: I listened to Chris’s little spiel at the end through my closed bedroom door, and I have this to say. Chris should get over himself, and fast. The elder Gilmore is hot, as are most of the females on this show, and he deserves to lose her. In fact, I hate slimy guys like him more than anything. “Oh, you don’t love me, wah, wah, wah!” I hope the elder Gilmore dumps his pathetic ass. I just had to get that out there.

See ya. Bedtime. Greg

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Whoops…My Bad

January 30, 2007 at 4:29 am (Uncategorized)

Sorry everyone, I posted the same thing twice…dammit, I’m such a dunce!! Actually, my internet sucks.

Later Greg

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Random Stuff…Yo!

January 30, 2007 at 4:27 am (Uncategorized)

What’s up yo,

How’s life? Good? Glad to hear it. I just got (have) some random thoughts tonight: Here we go!

First of all, there’s an ad on TV these days that’s really been bothering me. Its a Bud Light ad, and though I like most beer ads, I feel like they’ve been getting dumber and dumber over the years, and this one takes the cake. The story: some guys get rubber floors installed in their apartment. The reason: so they can bounce Bud Lights to each other off the floor, leading to one roomate stating “We’ll never break a Bud Light again.” First of all, broken beer bottles are a part of life: we should all just learn to live with this. Second of all of, not only would bouncing beer bottles off the floor send them crashing into walls and ceilings, leaving chards of glass everywhere, the people trying to catch the beers would undoubtably have glass bottles smash off their faces. It would be a catastrophe, especially if those bouncing/catching the beers were a few beers deep. On top of all this, there’s a million other reasons to have rubber floors installed, like bouncing remotes to each other (which the ad mentions), or easily cleaning up spills. Why would you install rubber floors just to bounce beer bottles around? Still, I’d like to hang out at their place and bounce beer bottles around.

2) There’s a group in Boston, and I think in other cities, called Drinking Liberally. Its a group in which young liberals meet with each other to discuss politics and drink booze. Now, I’ve never been to a meeting, so I’m really not one to talk, but here’s a few suggestions I have for the group:

Invite a few conservatives, maybe a moderate or two, and then a few people who don’t know a damn thing about politics and are pretty stupid in the first place. I mean, wouldn’t this be more interesting? Look, I don’t like to discuss politics, so maybe this is just me, but I think it would be boring as hell at a Drinking Liberally meeting. I can see it now:

“Great idea. I totally agree with you.”

“Yah, I agree too”

“Yah, me too.”

“Hey wait a minute…so do I! Weird!!”

God, spare me. I’d probably fall asleep after a couple of brews. But if you threw a few a conservatives in their, things might get interesting. It might look like this:

“Hey, great idea!”

“Yah, you said it!’

I disagree…you slimy Commie bastard!!”

Now thats fun. Throw in the guy who nows nothing about politics, and you’ve got something like this:

“I agree. Great idea!”

“You Socialist bastards make me wanna puke!”

“Hey, dude, my shit smells like fruit!”

Now, we’ve got something. Anger, incompetence, stupidity…my idea of a good time. Because when I go out, I’m looking to have a good time…not to be bored out of my mind. They’ve already got alcholol, making people more stupid, incoherent, short-tempered, and funny: just throw in some interesting people, and, VALWA, you’ve got a recipe for a fun Friday night.

An even cooler idea would be to have “Extreme Drinking Liberally”, and invite some radical conservatives, radical liberals, a few random criminals, and let people bring weapons. Totally Awesome!!

3) On a related note, I’ve been thinking of creating my own group, called Drinking Conservatively. This would not be a political group: instead, it would be a play on the play on words that Drinking Liberally created. For instance, from hearing of a group called Drinking Liberally, you might mistakenly think that this was a group who drank liberal amounts of alchohol, leading you to show up with a 30-pack and find a politcal discussion under way. Booooooring!! In my case, I would hope to have people say, “Hey, a group where we can have a conservative political discussion and drink together, alright!,” leading them to show up and find us truly drinking conservativily. No one would be allowed to have more than one drink in a half hour period; definitely no hard liquor; and members would be required to say things like “Hey, take it easy, you’re driving!” and “Wow, wow, slow down, thats how people get hurt!” I think this would be hilarious: somehow, I don’t think anyone else would.

4) I think Frosted Mini-Wheats have to be considered one of the top five cereals of all-time. Anyone who wants to discuss, feel free. I just think it deserves a place there.

5) If I was a really brillant scientist, my highest priority would be to create a medicine that could soothe your lips and gums after eating massive amounts of Sour Watermelons and Sour Patch Kids. I believe this to be extremely important!! Thats why its a good thing I’m not a madly brillant scientist.

6) I think people should dress up for Valentine’s Day. I mean really, all that we do is buy candy and flowers for our signifigant others. We can’t actually dress up as a flower, or maybe smear chocolate all over our bodies and dance in a “Valentine’s Day Ritual.” Lets face it, this holiday sucks: we need to spice it up a little. I think a really good Valentine’s Day outfit would be a “Flaming Heart”, in which someone is actually lit on fire in a fire retardant suit shaped like heart. That’d be sooooo AWESOME!!!

7) I think it would be cool if the GPS systems in cars had names, like Larry. Everytime I turned my car on it would say “Hello, Greg.” And I could be like “What’s up, Larry?” And then he’d be Larry, simple as that. If I wanted to change it to Ralph, or maybe Ernie, later on, I could do it without a problem.

8) If I could be any bird in the world it would be an albatross: I mean, c’mon, they fly across the oceans. It would have to be before planes existed, though, cause it would suck something righteous to get sucked into one of those bad boys. I considered being a penguin, but those Leopard Seals are real bastards.

9) Whosever reading this bad boy, I’m out. I’ve stayed up way to late writing this thing: but I gotta say, its been fun. See you later, loser. (Just kiddin).

Greg

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Blank Blog!!!

January 30, 2007 at 4:27 am (Uncategorized)

Hey Everyone,

It’s a blank blog!!! There’s nothing here!!! Its totally awesome!!!!

Thanks for stopping by!!!!!!!

Greg

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